Abigail Schafer's Memorial Day

One year ago today, June 12th, 2008, our 9 day old daughter died. She lived a hard life with a cleft palate and hypoplastic left heart syndrome but she was loved dearly by her daddy, mommy, sister, grandparents, aunt, uncle and church friends.

Bitter painful memories of this day are afresh in our minds today. We relive those memories again. This past year has been extremely difficult dealing with grief, suffering, what ifs, would of, could of and should ofs. It's been hard to deal with other people's indifferences, remarks, forgetfulness and avoidance in this matter.

On the flip side, we had some wonderful family members and church friends that have supported us through out this year. We had people made extra effort in comforting and encouraging us. Those people made food for us for two weeks during that time and recently. My wife found more attention with them than I. I had to be strong not because I really wanted to, but had to, to support this family unit through out this past year.

This past year, pursing and experiencing God has been a challenge. I have studied a lot on the doctrine of election of infants. Because there was not a lot of information on this subject in the bible and the internet, it was hard to find some answers. Praying and bible reading was difficult at first. It was hard to pray for other people's healings because we had to work through the issue of why God chose not to heal and deliver our daughter through the medical problems and death. We had to learn to trust God even more than we had before this suffering. God was good to us through out the year, though it was hard to see it at times. At times it was painfully difficult, especially losing my wife's dad to a brain stroke in November and my wife's brain surgery in February.

I have been very perplexed at the new testament doctrine of suffering and why God doesn't always deliver his people from their conditions. We are called to suffer but suffering sucks! This suffering is not like the suffering we face when we are being persecuted for our faith of our Lord Jesus Christ. This suffering is from Adam, the devil and sin in general. It's about us as the focus and not Jesus.

We have hope in God we will see our daughter again. We trust in God's mercy that He is the Mediator between God the Father and her. She has inherited the Adamic sin nature at birth. We trust in God's mercy to be elect, that she will not be numbered with the reprobate at the Day of the Lord. We trust in God's mercy that we will see her again. That she is living and not dead, living in heaven.

There is more to say but it's hard to come up with those thoughts right now.

Here are some interesting links to read and listen to. Why God Doesn't Always Heal (2 Corinthians 12:8-10) by Dr. Sam Storms, Condemned by Adam's Sin or Our Own?, Genesis 25:19-28 - Election and Dying Infants (Audio).